How to Use Selective Disclosure

Selectively disclosing is purposely not letting others know about your trans or nonbinary identity.

You can use selective disclosure around people who are likely to be transphobic or spaces in which you feel unsafe.

This strategy can be useful when you want to maintain your privacy, feel unsafe, or simply prefer not to have conversations that can trigger the gender dysphoria.

Important: there is nothing wrong with protecting yourself by not sharing parts or all of who you are, and you get to make decisions that help you feel safe and empowered!

For example, let’s say I’m worried my new boss might be transphobic: I might not tell my new boss my pronouns until I’m sure it’s okay and safe to do so. But this could lead to them using the wrong pronouns, which can make me feel gender dysphoria in the meantime. To make myself feel better during that time, I’ll talk to my trans siblings for support and understanding. I’ll also create moments of gender euphoria in other places to balance this out. 

The key is to find a balance between who you share things about your gender with and using other ways to feel good about yourself and your gender. That way, you can stay safe and take care of yourself emotionally!!

Ways to use selective disclosure:

• You can choose not to tell others about your gender identity unless you feel safe and okay with it.
• You can not share your pronouns or not correct someone when you are misgendered.
• You can choose to refer to your past experiences in a gender-neutral or gender-conforming manner.
• You can avoid discussions that are cis-centered (for example: talking about gynecology as women’s health, assumptions of body parts).
• You can choose to stay silent or not engage in a conversation that may call into question your gender or involves anti-trans topics.

Just remember, it’s up to you to decide if you want to share or keep information about your gender identity to yourself.

It is important to acknowledge that choosing when to disclose may not be an option for all trans and nonbinary folks. This is why it is so important that you decide for yourself if selective disclosure works for you and determine if it will be helpful or cause you more distress. If you know that selective disclosure it not right for you, just put N/A in the reflection text box.